As we were leaving the pool the other day, my fiance turned to me and told me that he thought my new swimsuit looked good. When I asked him why, he explained that it's modest and "modest looks good on you." This conversation was not only a reminder of what an incredible man God sent me, but it also got me thinking about the attitude girls have towards modest clothing. Unfortunately, I think most girls would see dressing modestly as a concession to someone else, especially boys or parents. It's time to change that. Dressing modestly doesn't have to start with an exterior motivation; I'll posit that it should start with an interior one. I don't dress the way I do because I'm thinking of how others will look at me; I dress the way I do because I have a level of respect for myself and the body God has given me. With that in mind, an alternate title to this post might be "Dress Yourself to Respect Yourself."
One of the first things I hear from feminist when modest clothing or dress codes are mentioned is something along the lines of "I shouldn't have to cover myself because my shoulders distract boys; boys should be able to control themselves" or "Yeah, it's the girls 'fault' that she got raped because of what she was wearing. *insert sarcastic eye roll*" I'll start with the things I agree with here. Of course men should be able to go about their days without lusting after girls, and of course women who are victims of the terrible violence of rape didn't ask for it. I'm not going to argue that women need to restraint themselves because men are weak and incapable of controlling animal instincts. I think men are more than capable of respecting women, but unfortunately none of us always do what we are capable of. If we never fell short, the terrible sin of rape wouldn't exist. Police everywhere would be out of jobs because no one would lift a finger against another. However, we do have police officers, because people get twisted and broken and we mess up big time. One of the ways we mess up as humans is that we disorder our sexual desires. I'm not excusing this behavior, I'm just acknowledging that it is a problem. And because we do have a problem, there are things you can do to avoid the problem. Should anyone rob someone in a parking lot in the middle of the night? No, absolutely not, but some people do. Just because I know people shouldn't, doesn't mean I'm going to march off to the store at 2 a.m. I'm going to protect myself and do my shopping during the day when the risk is lower. An argument for modesty can be made in the same vein. No, men shouldn't lust after women and rape them, but if I can help myself out by showing a little less skin and leaving a little more to the imagination, then I'm going to. While this is a practical reason to dress modestly, I don't think it's the best one. Things that are motivated externally by the opinion or thoughts of others won't be as powerful as things motivated by an internal relationship with God. I just think it's worth considering that those who give rape prevention as a reason to dress modestly may not all be the monsters they are often made out to be. They're not all blaming the victim. They might just simply be noticing a pattern.
Now, while there is practicality to dressing modestly, I've mentioned that modesty is most compelling when motivated by something internal. I think we should talk about the need for modesty as an external representation of our internal respect for ourselves. God made each and every one of us as an irreplaceable member of His family. We each have the unique fingerprint of God imprinted on us. He made our bodies to glorify Him and they are precious. Let's take for a moment the crown jewels of an important country. Not just any bum off the street is allowed in to see the crown jewels, right? Only people who have a reason to see the crown jewels are let in. It should be the same with us. We are like God's crown jewels that He made for a specific purpose. That purpose could be married life, a religious vocation, or a single life, but in each case our bodies are sacred and special. We shouldn't show them off to just anyone. While we wait to see what God has in store for our lives, we shouldn't flaunt our bodies as if we don't care for them. We should protect them and treasure them. We should respect ourselves enough to know that we don't need to show all our skin to be thought of as beautiful or attractive. Any attention we would receive because of what clothes we are wearing (or not wearing) is not any kind of attention we want. That's not how you find selfless love. You find selfless love when someone cares for you beyond face value. You find selfless love when someone doesn't need to see the crown to treat you like a queen.
On a final note, I want to turn my attention to the men of the world. I think sometimes we underestimate men. Girls often think they need to dress with less to gain the attention of boys. As my fiance proved through his unsolicited comment, we're often wrong about men. Men can look at modesty and see beauty. They appreciate when their sweetheart or any other girl is comfortable with herself and respects herself so much that she keeps herself close. Girls, you don't have to dress yourself any certain way to get a boy to like you. Modest clothes can be stylish, and fortunately, many old looks are coming back into style. (Side note: I'm not advocating for girls to cover their ankles and never wear anything without sleeves. I like my jean shorts, too. I think there's just a certain point where shorts are too short, the v-neck is too deep, and the crop top can't really be called a shirt anymore.) Give the boys some credit and wear something that fits comfortably. Your future self will thank you someday, and besides, modest looks good on you.
One of the first things I hear from feminist when modest clothing or dress codes are mentioned is something along the lines of "I shouldn't have to cover myself because my shoulders distract boys; boys should be able to control themselves" or "Yeah, it's the girls 'fault' that she got raped because of what she was wearing. *insert sarcastic eye roll*" I'll start with the things I agree with here. Of course men should be able to go about their days without lusting after girls, and of course women who are victims of the terrible violence of rape didn't ask for it. I'm not going to argue that women need to restraint themselves because men are weak and incapable of controlling animal instincts. I think men are more than capable of respecting women, but unfortunately none of us always do what we are capable of. If we never fell short, the terrible sin of rape wouldn't exist. Police everywhere would be out of jobs because no one would lift a finger against another. However, we do have police officers, because people get twisted and broken and we mess up big time. One of the ways we mess up as humans is that we disorder our sexual desires. I'm not excusing this behavior, I'm just acknowledging that it is a problem. And because we do have a problem, there are things you can do to avoid the problem. Should anyone rob someone in a parking lot in the middle of the night? No, absolutely not, but some people do. Just because I know people shouldn't, doesn't mean I'm going to march off to the store at 2 a.m. I'm going to protect myself and do my shopping during the day when the risk is lower. An argument for modesty can be made in the same vein. No, men shouldn't lust after women and rape them, but if I can help myself out by showing a little less skin and leaving a little more to the imagination, then I'm going to. While this is a practical reason to dress modestly, I don't think it's the best one. Things that are motivated externally by the opinion or thoughts of others won't be as powerful as things motivated by an internal relationship with God. I just think it's worth considering that those who give rape prevention as a reason to dress modestly may not all be the monsters they are often made out to be. They're not all blaming the victim. They might just simply be noticing a pattern.
Now, while there is practicality to dressing modestly, I've mentioned that modesty is most compelling when motivated by something internal. I think we should talk about the need for modesty as an external representation of our internal respect for ourselves. God made each and every one of us as an irreplaceable member of His family. We each have the unique fingerprint of God imprinted on us. He made our bodies to glorify Him and they are precious. Let's take for a moment the crown jewels of an important country. Not just any bum off the street is allowed in to see the crown jewels, right? Only people who have a reason to see the crown jewels are let in. It should be the same with us. We are like God's crown jewels that He made for a specific purpose. That purpose could be married life, a religious vocation, or a single life, but in each case our bodies are sacred and special. We shouldn't show them off to just anyone. While we wait to see what God has in store for our lives, we shouldn't flaunt our bodies as if we don't care for them. We should protect them and treasure them. We should respect ourselves enough to know that we don't need to show all our skin to be thought of as beautiful or attractive. Any attention we would receive because of what clothes we are wearing (or not wearing) is not any kind of attention we want. That's not how you find selfless love. You find selfless love when someone cares for you beyond face value. You find selfless love when someone doesn't need to see the crown to treat you like a queen.
On a final note, I want to turn my attention to the men of the world. I think sometimes we underestimate men. Girls often think they need to dress with less to gain the attention of boys. As my fiance proved through his unsolicited comment, we're often wrong about men. Men can look at modesty and see beauty. They appreciate when their sweetheart or any other girl is comfortable with herself and respects herself so much that she keeps herself close. Girls, you don't have to dress yourself any certain way to get a boy to like you. Modest clothes can be stylish, and fortunately, many old looks are coming back into style. (Side note: I'm not advocating for girls to cover their ankles and never wear anything without sleeves. I like my jean shorts, too. I think there's just a certain point where shorts are too short, the v-neck is too deep, and the crop top can't really be called a shirt anymore.) Give the boys some credit and wear something that fits comfortably. Your future self will thank you someday, and besides, modest looks good on you.
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