Today, I want to talk about something that can get very emotional for people, and I want to do it here, because I feel like when I try to have this conversation in person, not much listening happens. I want to talk about the Catholic view of gay marriage. The Catholic view of gay marriage is not one based out of hate or exclusion, like many people judge it to be, but it is a very difficult position to defend, because so many people want to start yelling and defending their own views before they listen to the whole story. So, if you wouldn't mind, I'd like to make a deal with you. I will give you full disclosure about what I think of gay marriage if you promise to read the whole thing through without getting upset and telling me how wrong I am until you get to the end of this post. Can we do that? Great, Thanks!
So, why doesn't the Catholic Church allow for gay marriage? They're all about love aren't they? Well, yes, the Church is all about love, but not just any kind of love. The Church wants the kind of love that a) is God and b) is the love God gave to and between humanity at the beginning of creation. In the Garden of Eden, man and woman were in perfect union with God because sin had not entered the world; in catechist terms we call this original holiness. But not only was man in perfect union with God, but man and woman were also in perfect union with each other, sometimes called original justice. Man and woman were always different, but in the beginning they perfectly understood these differences. So, in Genesis, we see that man and woman, because sin had not entered the world, loved each other perfectly. No one was an object to please the other, and their union was pure, holy, and ordained by God. This is where marriage begins to come into the picture. After God made Eve, Genesis tells us that the two became one flesh, and that this is why a man leaves his mother and father and clings to his wife. For a Catholic, and I believe most Christians, this is where God instituted marriage. Since God instituted marriage, we view marriage as a very sacred institution, so sacred that the Catholic Church has declared marriage a sacrament, or a visible sign of God on earth. Since this sacramental marriage was in place before man sinned and fell out of communion with God, we can say that this marriage was perfectly attuned to God's will. God desired for man and woman to be joined together in a fruitful union, so perfect was this union that only with a man and woman could more people be produced. Marriage actually allowed for a man and a woman to beget more life, which allowed them to be co-creators with God. So, you see, marriage was a lot more than just love, it was a partnership with God that was perfectly aligned with His will. Because the marriage between an man and a woman is what God instituted, the Church believes that this union is what a marriage should be, in fact, it's the only thing true marriage can be. So, the Church does not disapprove of gay marriage because it hates love, but because for the Church, any union that is not a bond between a man and a woman for life is not a sacramental marriage. Gay marriage in the definition of the Church can't be called a marriage because it has not possibility of begetting new life. Anything other than a lifelong bond isn't marriage, but a cheap imitation that falls short of what God intended. Not only does this include same sex relations, but premarital sex between heterosexual couples as well. The sexual relationship is something that actually partially restores humanity to original holiness and original justice, since it is the thing we have left from the Garden, so anything that is present that wasn't there in the Garden, anything that isn't a lifelong commitment between man and woman, offends against the great sacrament's dignity.
After sin entered the world, man and woman lost original justice. We no longer perfectly understood each other, and perversions of this union entered the world. We all inherited original sin, and we all sin because of our fallen nature. In fact, because of our fallen nature, we are all tempted to sin every single day of our lives (we often call this condition concupiscence). Just because we are tempted to sin doesn't mean we actually sin though, and there is something heroic and satisfying about overcoming this temptation. This is how the Church views homosexual people. The Church does not blame people for their orientation. Let me say that again, there is no sin in orientation. Just like every other kind of sin, there is no fault in the original temptation, there is only sin in action. Only when people act outside the sacrament of marriage does the Church begin to have a problem with homosexuality.
I know what most people say at this point: "the Church hates gay people, because the Church doesn't support them, and tells them that they sin," or something along those lines. Here is where I really want everyone to listen, because I'd like to counter this phenomena in belief. It really burdens my heart that today disagreeing with what someone does equates with hating him. I don't think love is always agreeing with someone, I think it's always wanting what is best, holy, and true for them. If a mother sees her child running through the house with a pair of sharp scissors in his hand, will the mother not at least tell the child to stop before he hurts himself? If your very best friend goes abroad for six months, comes back skinny as a rail, and then tells you that she is going to skip lunch because she is fat and needs to lose weight, will you not disagree with her? Of course, to the child and your friend, running with scissors and skipping a meal is what seems satisfying or necessary to them, but what the mother and you see are dangers to their very being, so you step in to help them. This is how the Church views her homosexual sons and daughters. Since acts of homosexuality offend against the dignity of marriage, the Church does see those acts as sinful, so sinful that these acts endanger the souls of those who perform them. (Side note: Please don't take this to mean that the Church believes gay people go to hell. The Church doesn't. The official teaching on hell is that we don't know who is there. We don't know what graces God works for people after their deaths, so we don't even know where Adolf Hitler and Judas Iscariot ended up, much less our homosexual brothers and sisters.) If the Church sees that her children are in danger, she would be a bad mother if she didn't speak up in protection of her children. So instead of seeing the Church's disapproval of gay marriage as an act of hate, I see it as an even greater act of love. It is so very difficult to tell someone you love no, but if you engage in this painful practice, and maybe even cause the ones you love some level of unhappiness, all for a greater end goal, then how great must that love be. The Church loves her children so much (everyone is a child of God and can therefore be a child of the Church, by the way) that she is willing to say no, so that later their souls can say yes. The Church wants all her children to experience the eternal happiness of God, so the Church is going to try to protect all her children from sin. The opposition to gay marriage is rooted in the same love that comes from the Church's opposition to murder and lying. All sins separate people from God, so the Church will fault and oppose every sin; however, the Church loves its children, so it never ever hates or disapproves of the sinner, only what the sinner does (and we all sin, so the Church will tell all of us no on occasion).
So now that I've tried to explain to you how the Church wants to respond to homosexuality out of love, I want to take a second to praise people who bear the cross of homosexuality. Yeah, I just called homosexuality a cross, cause that's what it is. It's a tremendous cross, one that I cannot imagine bearing. I believe that the people who do bear the cross of homosexuality, who give up that part of themselves for God and live an authentic life and vocation in the Church, are heroic. I understand that giving up romantic relationships and a vocation of marriage are extremely difficult sacrifices, but I believe that those who do give those things up will receive an even greater reward from God. This isn't to say that every homosexual person has to be a priest or a nun, because there are wonderful single vocations within the Church as well, and I believe each person is called to something special and particular to them. I also think that those who do bear the cross of homosexuality by living in the Catholic teaching of marriage probably find something freeing in that. I think that when society talks about gay marriage rights, a result of that is people who identify as gay, often only identify as gay. I see that this social movement often strips homosexual people of everything but their sexuality. These people cease to be individuals with multiple gifts, talents, and interests, and they are only an orientation that is either praised or torn down. I think when a person has the courage to give up that sexuality to God (everyone should and can do this, by the way, we are all called to give all of ourselves to Him) that person will reclaim the dignity of being a complete human. When you lift up that part of yourself to your creator, then you don't have to define your whole life by that one single thing about you anymore. We are all so much more than one thing, and I think the love of the Church recognizes that and wants to celebrate that with us.
So, to wrap up, no, I do not support gay marriage, but not because I have hatred in my heart for those people. I don't support gay marriage, because, just like I would correct my friend who lies to me, steals from me, or pushes me to the ground, I see those actions as something inherently dangerous to that person. I love my homosexual brothers and sisters in Christ, and I think they have an opportunity to be some of today's greatest heroes, just not in the way our culture expects.
For those of you who stuck through with me to the end, thank you for listening. Even if I didn't change your mind, I hope I at least changed your heart towards those who disagree with you.
So, why doesn't the Catholic Church allow for gay marriage? They're all about love aren't they? Well, yes, the Church is all about love, but not just any kind of love. The Church wants the kind of love that a) is God and b) is the love God gave to and between humanity at the beginning of creation. In the Garden of Eden, man and woman were in perfect union with God because sin had not entered the world; in catechist terms we call this original holiness. But not only was man in perfect union with God, but man and woman were also in perfect union with each other, sometimes called original justice. Man and woman were always different, but in the beginning they perfectly understood these differences. So, in Genesis, we see that man and woman, because sin had not entered the world, loved each other perfectly. No one was an object to please the other, and their union was pure, holy, and ordained by God. This is where marriage begins to come into the picture. After God made Eve, Genesis tells us that the two became one flesh, and that this is why a man leaves his mother and father and clings to his wife. For a Catholic, and I believe most Christians, this is where God instituted marriage. Since God instituted marriage, we view marriage as a very sacred institution, so sacred that the Catholic Church has declared marriage a sacrament, or a visible sign of God on earth. Since this sacramental marriage was in place before man sinned and fell out of communion with God, we can say that this marriage was perfectly attuned to God's will. God desired for man and woman to be joined together in a fruitful union, so perfect was this union that only with a man and woman could more people be produced. Marriage actually allowed for a man and a woman to beget more life, which allowed them to be co-creators with God. So, you see, marriage was a lot more than just love, it was a partnership with God that was perfectly aligned with His will. Because the marriage between an man and a woman is what God instituted, the Church believes that this union is what a marriage should be, in fact, it's the only thing true marriage can be. So, the Church does not disapprove of gay marriage because it hates love, but because for the Church, any union that is not a bond between a man and a woman for life is not a sacramental marriage. Gay marriage in the definition of the Church can't be called a marriage because it has not possibility of begetting new life. Anything other than a lifelong bond isn't marriage, but a cheap imitation that falls short of what God intended. Not only does this include same sex relations, but premarital sex between heterosexual couples as well. The sexual relationship is something that actually partially restores humanity to original holiness and original justice, since it is the thing we have left from the Garden, so anything that is present that wasn't there in the Garden, anything that isn't a lifelong commitment between man and woman, offends against the great sacrament's dignity.
After sin entered the world, man and woman lost original justice. We no longer perfectly understood each other, and perversions of this union entered the world. We all inherited original sin, and we all sin because of our fallen nature. In fact, because of our fallen nature, we are all tempted to sin every single day of our lives (we often call this condition concupiscence). Just because we are tempted to sin doesn't mean we actually sin though, and there is something heroic and satisfying about overcoming this temptation. This is how the Church views homosexual people. The Church does not blame people for their orientation. Let me say that again, there is no sin in orientation. Just like every other kind of sin, there is no fault in the original temptation, there is only sin in action. Only when people act outside the sacrament of marriage does the Church begin to have a problem with homosexuality.
I know what most people say at this point: "the Church hates gay people, because the Church doesn't support them, and tells them that they sin," or something along those lines. Here is where I really want everyone to listen, because I'd like to counter this phenomena in belief. It really burdens my heart that today disagreeing with what someone does equates with hating him. I don't think love is always agreeing with someone, I think it's always wanting what is best, holy, and true for them. If a mother sees her child running through the house with a pair of sharp scissors in his hand, will the mother not at least tell the child to stop before he hurts himself? If your very best friend goes abroad for six months, comes back skinny as a rail, and then tells you that she is going to skip lunch because she is fat and needs to lose weight, will you not disagree with her? Of course, to the child and your friend, running with scissors and skipping a meal is what seems satisfying or necessary to them, but what the mother and you see are dangers to their very being, so you step in to help them. This is how the Church views her homosexual sons and daughters. Since acts of homosexuality offend against the dignity of marriage, the Church does see those acts as sinful, so sinful that these acts endanger the souls of those who perform them. (Side note: Please don't take this to mean that the Church believes gay people go to hell. The Church doesn't. The official teaching on hell is that we don't know who is there. We don't know what graces God works for people after their deaths, so we don't even know where Adolf Hitler and Judas Iscariot ended up, much less our homosexual brothers and sisters.) If the Church sees that her children are in danger, she would be a bad mother if she didn't speak up in protection of her children. So instead of seeing the Church's disapproval of gay marriage as an act of hate, I see it as an even greater act of love. It is so very difficult to tell someone you love no, but if you engage in this painful practice, and maybe even cause the ones you love some level of unhappiness, all for a greater end goal, then how great must that love be. The Church loves her children so much (everyone is a child of God and can therefore be a child of the Church, by the way) that she is willing to say no, so that later their souls can say yes. The Church wants all her children to experience the eternal happiness of God, so the Church is going to try to protect all her children from sin. The opposition to gay marriage is rooted in the same love that comes from the Church's opposition to murder and lying. All sins separate people from God, so the Church will fault and oppose every sin; however, the Church loves its children, so it never ever hates or disapproves of the sinner, only what the sinner does (and we all sin, so the Church will tell all of us no on occasion).
So now that I've tried to explain to you how the Church wants to respond to homosexuality out of love, I want to take a second to praise people who bear the cross of homosexuality. Yeah, I just called homosexuality a cross, cause that's what it is. It's a tremendous cross, one that I cannot imagine bearing. I believe that the people who do bear the cross of homosexuality, who give up that part of themselves for God and live an authentic life and vocation in the Church, are heroic. I understand that giving up romantic relationships and a vocation of marriage are extremely difficult sacrifices, but I believe that those who do give those things up will receive an even greater reward from God. This isn't to say that every homosexual person has to be a priest or a nun, because there are wonderful single vocations within the Church as well, and I believe each person is called to something special and particular to them. I also think that those who do bear the cross of homosexuality by living in the Catholic teaching of marriage probably find something freeing in that. I think that when society talks about gay marriage rights, a result of that is people who identify as gay, often only identify as gay. I see that this social movement often strips homosexual people of everything but their sexuality. These people cease to be individuals with multiple gifts, talents, and interests, and they are only an orientation that is either praised or torn down. I think when a person has the courage to give up that sexuality to God (everyone should and can do this, by the way, we are all called to give all of ourselves to Him) that person will reclaim the dignity of being a complete human. When you lift up that part of yourself to your creator, then you don't have to define your whole life by that one single thing about you anymore. We are all so much more than one thing, and I think the love of the Church recognizes that and wants to celebrate that with us.
So, to wrap up, no, I do not support gay marriage, but not because I have hatred in my heart for those people. I don't support gay marriage, because, just like I would correct my friend who lies to me, steals from me, or pushes me to the ground, I see those actions as something inherently dangerous to that person. I love my homosexual brothers and sisters in Christ, and I think they have an opportunity to be some of today's greatest heroes, just not in the way our culture expects.
For those of you who stuck through with me to the end, thank you for listening. Even if I didn't change your mind, I hope I at least changed your heart towards those who disagree with you.
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